Friday, August 8, 2008

The Art of Backstabbing

The Art of Backstabbing

Bitches roam around the world in a devil may care attitude. For these creatures, they’ll screw you over and over and they won’t even bother to see if there are left-over’s. These half-dead/half-unknown beings fly by any time of the day, unlike the night ghouls that only haunt the shit out of everyone at what else but nighttime till the wee hours…These bitches are worser than the zits on your shoulder or the so-called “back-nes” or acnes that are unsightly situated at your back (which some people just like to flaunt by wearing backless blouses or sleeveless, which by the way is totally gross) , or maybe those little cringey bed bugs that unknowingly creep into your skin and leave red marks all over once they’ve sucked all the blood they want (hey, hey, hey…I just wanna make it clear that I’ve never experienced any of this, just a friend’s experience. Hehe).
Back to real life, let’s just refer to these people as the ‘BS’ for now, short for backstabbers of course. I’m here to amaze you at how good they work their asses just to keep this status, wow you’ll be amazed. BS actually are almost everywhere, you name it – school, public market, malls and yes you guessed it at the office, which of course I’ll be spilling some beans, juicy ones in a bit. BS are synonymous to liars, two-faced, psycho and one of the best terms I use – KUPAL. Gawd, how I want my pretty hands slapping their already tormented faces.

I’m trying to think hard right now when I got my first taste of someone backstabbing me. Hmmm think, think think Superguy…hmmm high school? Maybe but those were lame. College days, let me see, bullshit. Nothing really serious happens during those days. Ah, let me get to the real deal right away. There’s this bitch at the office, let me describe her – ‘bout 5 feet 5, slim with a little beer belly and god, the skin, dark and druh-ayyy. She has this straight long hair, with blonde strips on the front of her hair which makes her an ugly version of Uma Khouny, with long hair of course and chimay version. Of course, typical in any BS story, we started out as friends. Well, I treated her one until that one day I heard from a reliable source, this bitch was telling lies I was blocking the promotion of one guys, a conceited guy by the way. I mean what the heck, I didn’t even have that kind of power to do such thing, even if I do want to. I mean this ‘dude’ and I were both promoted at the same time for the same position, if spill something utterly gruesome about him just to get an edge, I’d have my reputation ruined in a split second ergo I wouldn’t get the position if I did so. The common sense nga naman, it doesn’t seem to be blessed in everyone. I also heard some juicy that after Mr. Conceited and I got promoted, I spread rumors that I was against him, that he didn’t deserve it and all that shit, I mean I was just the receiving end or just mostly saying ‘I second the motion’ most of the time as it wasn’t completely me who was against him. I mean I just couldn’t care less about the guys to even care. I love mah-self too much to care about other purposeless people in life. Anyway, that’s what I heard from the lady bitch, let’s just call Makati Ave Girl (no clues here as to why we call her that). Until I never got her intention why she would spread such negativity, so what I did, I just screwed her over. Watched every bit of mistake she made and slapped her with a memo for Insubordination! At least that’ll be forever on her record! I guess she’s just too insecure ‘coz I’m way too pretty. Harhar. Eat your heart out fart-face. If you’re reading g this honey, that won’t be the last. :-P

Another one, there’s this FUGLY fag(coined term for fat and ugly) at the office who was under me, who at first seemed so meek and mild, as if he couldn’t hurt even a single fly (‘coz he’d eat it right away that fly didn’t know what hit him, or what ‘ate’ him. Get it. Ha-ha). About six feet tall, as you know, a big storage of lard, and a fuck-face looking lad, fag I meant. He was kind of notorious to his other teammates, as he has a thing for bragging, and of course BS-ing others not knowing it’ll eventually be heard by the ones involved. So people started moving far away from him, yet this person still acts as if he’s innocent. Too bad, he was such a bad actor. My story involved his resignation, wherein he was asked why he wanted to resign and told people I was the deciding point why he wanted to resign. I mean I’m no angel, but I wasn’t really that surprised that he’d also be doing the thing he does best on me. Again, the nerd! Oh well, his sins still hasn’t been judged YET, but karma do know how to work its way in, everyone just realized that he’s nothing but a big, fat two-faced face a-hole that everyone is just disgusted by him and has no friends…too bad M, you’re just going to deal with that for the rest of your life. Oh, another revenge for me I guess, I’ve hit him once or twice maybe with a shuttlecock in a game while he tried to ‘fit in’ with our badminton group. Serves him right. As I’ve said, this ain’t the finale honey. If your reading this as well, wait for the final blow.

I actually got termed as ‘amo mong bakla’ once by this supposed innocent girl still at the same office who was under me. She was actually a loner, and just tried her best to fit it. One day, she called in sick and texted me that she won’t be able to make it to work because of skin disease she has (ugh), and I was just giving her protocol that since she informed us late, she might get a write-up. Then another text came in, a mis-sent! She was texting her friend and inadvertently sent to me instead which stated ‘Binabanatan ako ng amo kong bakla’, and what I did – I just replied back “Hope you’ll cope well with your skin disease, love amo mong bakla!” The next day she reported to work, I was just laughing my heart out, she just couldn’t look straight into my eyes. I guess shame can be vengeful too. Haha.

I guess these people should know by now that I don’t get mad, I get even (as the cliché goes), and work hard, party harder (umm what? Connect please). One thing I really learned in life is never back down from a fight, and you have to fight wisely. And with karma on my side, these people who BS you will definitely have it big time, in due time. With people like these, sometimes I wanna thank them because it made me stronger (cue in: Cristina A song) and of course without these low life creatures, life wouldn’t be too exciting. I thank the m because we have something to talk about during our ‘Daily Dose’, and without them, hell would be empty.
Got more juicees next time. This one people who think they’re far better than others. Oh I got lots of goods to tell, one involving a hobbit, one who ‘just got lucky’, one who looks like Kermit, and one referred to as ‘her chubbynessence’. Lol, I’m just dying to tell.


Anonymous said...

Ouch!!! That'll teach them to mess with ya. You know how it is at work. Parang showbiz. May konting tupperware. As long as you know who you are and you know your close friends, that's all that matters. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer".

Marlou said...

I'm waiting for the next installment of "The Art of Backstabbing". Pretty exciting!

wiccah said...

hehehe!! I'm glad I'm not at the receiving end of your anger...
serves them right...
Thanks for sharing some of your funny thoughts and experiences, It made us know you better..
Keep it comming coacheee!!!

Anonymous said...

pretty detailed descriptions.. :p
love to hear more of your backstabbing stories soon, coach..