HUMORSCOPE

Aries – A lot more callers will be referring to you as “Miss” or “Ma’am even if you’re not. Might be a good time to start using natural voice.

Taurus – The influence of Mars on Jupiter would lead to unexpected things. Expect something to happen to you one of these days, like, uhm, getting a boyfriend/girlfriend for one.

Gemini – Something is bothering you these days, start eating slower than what you normally would do. It would best to have a capsule of Attapulgite handy.

Cancer – Hmmm wait let me think… Oh yeah you’re going to lend someone a huge amount of money without expecting anything in return. It would be best to look for a guy name “Henry Sy” and ask more about this.

Leo – You are about to hit rock-bottom this week. Better make arrangements soon for an immediate medical treatment.

Virgo – It might be wise to use shampoo once in awhile, detergent soap just won’t do anymore.

Libra – A wise man once said. “Good things happen to those who wait.” So just hang in there…

Scorpio – A past flame will start to talk to you again and they will remind you of how you used to be…really…miserable.

Sagittarius – If you feel the urge to uhm wait, hmmm if you feel the urge to…ah forget about it, if you feel something just make sure to let it out somewhere private.

Capricorn – You definitely need a rest. No explanations needed, all you need is a mirror and take a good look at yourself.

Aquarius – You will start to notice the mistakes made bu somebody else but you would fail you detect you own. Oh crap, am I talking about your dress again?

Pisces - You have been practicing real hard and feel there has been a massive improvement. You are now able to finish 4 sticks of cigarettes within a minute.