Friday, August 8, 2008

Commuting Bloopers

Commuting Bloopers

Just thinking about this either makes me cringe or die laughing already. When in the Metro Manila, being stuck in traffic alone is torture enough bunt when unexpected scenarios happen, it’s almost the end of the world! Although there are some strange benefits it gives, mainly pointing out in a perverted mind, you’ll know as you read along.

Taxi – I called out for one one day on my way to work during wee hours, just my usual on work days. Little did I know this will be a night which will inspire me to write this and maybe even help a lot of people be warned. Haha. As I was doing my business, sitting around in the backseat just waiting before I reached the office and alas, a strange foul smell just suddenly loomed out –the while I was still in air-conditioned cab! Trapped and helpless, I slowly opened the window on my side, and slowly breathe in the Manila air which by the way can be poisonous as well and just acted as if nothing happened. In truth, be careful everyone of FARTING CAB DRIVERS! Ugh, the smell was terrible as if ‘it’ hasn’t been flushed out for days! Good gracious, I mean what’s I do to deserve this, the smell went straight to my nostrils and gave me a terrible headache which I couldn’t handle not until I opened the window. Gawd! Moral lesson here – before attempting to ride a cab, always ask first “Kuya, natate ka ba ngayon?” Then make your decision after he answers. LOL. Gosh, how I wish I passed gas just the same during that time so he’d know he has competition. LOL again.

Oh, oh, oh, another taxi kwento. Same scenario, another taxi drive on my way to work and this just happened a few weeks back. This time, the cab driver BURPED and lets out this stinking gas from his mouth that caused too much distress on me at that time. Goodness, what are these people eating these days . I swear I could just die at that moment. Haha. One time, I was with someone and we were on a taxi ride on our way home, again fetid smell came about. My friend immediately reacted, “May umutot” while looking at me. At that very moment, we just burst out laughing. We knew the cab driver farted! Arrrggghhh! And all these actually happened in just less than a year! There should be a law against this. Haha.

Oh and by the way, why the hell do some cab drivers soooo choosy. Like just say for example, you’re in Makati and just mention the word, say SM City North or even Fairview (I’m exaggerating), which is in QC and these drivers would close their doors themselves and say, take a hike bitch! I mean who the fuck are you kiddin, you guys are the ones tryin to make a living huh? Although I can’t blame these poor mugsies coz of the heavy traffic but heck, why should I blame myself either? I wanna go to Fairview in a cab, do something about it, I’ll pay! Hehe. I’m sure there are a lot of you guys who can relate to me on this. Damn fockers. Another ironic thing here, when one of those days, I don’t need to ride one and wooosshhh all these cabs come rushing in out nowhere and on the next day I DO need one, and wow it’s either they’re full or just completely obliterated like someone cast a spell for them to be gone. Geez Louise…

Jeeps - You guys know that each of us has our own bubble or personal space right? Some people just don’t get it. Most of my experience usually involves women, just stupid women who just won’t stop. Like there was a time, just minding my own business, in came a fat lady with long hair. See there was just a few of us on the jeep and a lot space for everyone and shit she just felt sitting beside me. At that time, I just really wanted to ask her if she’d like to sit on my lap! Gawd! Sometimes these dumb girls with long hair who’d sit beside me just couldn’t care less where their smelly hair would fall into, or should I say land into, my face! I mean it’s common sense it’s an open commuting service so air would be blowing everywhere, so I assume they’d know their hair would be out of place, they could for the very least tie their hair, argh just thinking about it now I think of scissors or a hair clip! Damn bitches, they just won’t die. And oh, you can see the weirdest of the weirdest guys on the jeep, and sometimes when these crazy commuters are the same jeep as I am, I sometimes pray for my soul right then and there – you’ll never know when they’d crank up and pull that knife and say “I feel like stabbing you.” Or or or, my sister had this unforgettable experience when one time she wore short shorts and by god-strike-now, the guy in front of him was a deliberately salivating and wanted to eat her legs! Then the bastard unzipped and oh please don’t let me say it – masturbated, in front her! If he was Brent Javier, then by god, he needn’t ask! Lol.

MRT/LRT – one of my favorite ones. Well this is kinda naughty, tee hee. For us third sexes, we think of exciting. Tee hee again. You know how sometimes the trains could get extremely be crowded, and you know people are literally breathing behind your neck. And ugh, you can sometimes be stuck in a roomful of lashed-out doggies who have been doing nothing but sun-bathe doing some metal work and would smell like a dump. Anyway, as someone who likes to have casual or anonymous sex, sometimes it enthuses some electricity down there when someone behind you unconsciously rubs their dicks behind you. Ohhh such a thrill! I’m telling you, everyone should try it sometime! Lol. Especially when you find out the guy behind you was a mamma mia, oh-la-la gorgeous, hello! Hmmm I might take the train later come to think of it! Oh by the way, has anyone noticed that there can be quite a lot of cute guys riding the train from time to time, another excuse to try these old but nice transport. My eyes can get full in a less than a minute ogling, from cute mestizo students (preferably medical students in their cute white uniforms) to hunky and hot yuppies and the occasional still-sizzling daddies (say it a British accent to feel the vibe!). I can only do nothing but sigh!

Last but not the least for now, the bus (well there are still cranky or can be hot encounters riding on a tricycle, pedicab or even a motorcycle but we’ll spill those some other time). Usually riding in a bus here in manila can be a drag, as it’d usually stop in almost every corner and with those driver-from-hell, god, anything can happen. Not to mention the smell, ugh you could just die. People from all walks of life rides the bus and you’d be lucky if there’s anyone who’d smell like a Victoria Secret biyatch (ahem, that would me). To make my experience every time exciting, I’d usually sit on a two-seater just maybe thinking a cute guy boarding could spot me and sit beside me. Oh things can get a lil gooey after that, if you know what I mean, hehe. Especially if you’re seated at the far corner where no one really cares what the heck’s happenin. Man, I remember those days. Haha. Go figure. Yes, the usual cruising for the fags can happen in a bus, hello? Oh I’ve heard stories from the heteros too, but usually I’d get bored – not exciting enough to give me a boner. Ooopp R-18 here.

Come to think of it, it’s really up to you how you can make your ride a little stimulating. Sometimes you can just concentrate on your ipod and SOL (sing out loud dum dum), or maybe just look outside the window and count the ugly populace in the metro just for laughs or you can get down and dirty, in any way you’d want it. Just make sure the receiving end has their consent. Bleeh.

Comment, suggestions, or even your crappy experience, feel free to drop me a line.

1 comment:

kurant.master said...

you got me crazy. i was laughing all the way... this entry's so fun. goodjob!

and what's with fairview? doon ako lumaki haha